You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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