I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
