i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
