Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
