if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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