you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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