This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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