This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
