Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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