If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
