...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
