I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize