I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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