I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
