So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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