I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
