haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
