I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
