Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
