1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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