You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
birth control should be required to get into college
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
