Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
me + whiskey = a bad person
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
