Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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