It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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