We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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