best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
