Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
