How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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