We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
