listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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