i was rollin on her like bob the builder
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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