We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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