he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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