Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
