she looked like the before picture.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
