Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
