I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Say something about gay babies.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
