When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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