is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
