So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize