sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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