me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
