I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
