when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
