I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
