so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
