I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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