Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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