youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
