i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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