did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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