I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
