Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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