She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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