There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
