you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
