u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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