she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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