Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
