I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
