I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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