shes about as inviting as chlamydia
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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