I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
