There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
