i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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