saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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