I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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