wake up i wanna do it froggy style
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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