he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
