DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
