look no pants
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
