the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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