I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
