pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
