I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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