Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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