This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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