cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
