She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
