I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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